i really don't know why. but the past few days, ive been on emo mode. thinking about love and all those mushy stuff. it might be that im in love or it might be the really hot and humid new york summer weather thats getting into me. anyways, i've unearthed an email from my ex when he left the philippines to go on a vacation here in the states. we were apart and doing the long distance relationship set up for almost eight months. he ended up staying and that's why im here. an excerpt from an email dated november 19, 2001:
"to be quite honest, i think about us a great deal.
can we withstand this? the distance is just
unbearable at times. and you just don't have an idea
how happy i am when we get to talk. i guess i'm lucky
to have you. you've helped me big time. how do you
handle it? how do you accept the fact that we're
apart and we have no idea when we will see each other
again? it drives me nuts thinking about us. it
scares me sometimes. i'm sure you know that i ain't
really the best when it comes to long distance
relationships. i'd like to believe that things will
work out. i'd like to believe that i've finally found
the right person. but the thing is we really don't
know what will happen in the future. it's just too
bleak like everything else is for me right now."
i guess my relationship with him was the only real feeling of love that I could go back to. During the low times when i feel sad and alone, i am lucky to have a handful of great friends that surround me. i also have my family back home to talk to. their love is amazing. but when i think of relationships, i need something to hold on to...something to let me know that i am capable of loving and being loved...again. and that i was once considered "the right person."
coincidentally, he recently assured me that it will happen again.
3 comments:
i hope after you unearthed the "other" email (leche ka), you also realized what you mean to me. love you friend. malapit na akong magsenti at mapapagawa ako ng post just about you. of course for a very minimal fee. :P
Woah! na-emo din ako..thanks ha! Its amazing how similar our lives are - then and now. Solid emo hits!
ain't that the truth. glad to have bumped into your blog through mike's. :) hope things get better for you in the love department. but like a line i heard somewhere, being single doesn't mean you're alone. you have friends and family. :) hugz from another francis. :) hehehehe.
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