Lesson: Different Stages of Developing a Relationship

So I can finally say that I am kinda, in some sort of way, maybe, dating someone. There are different stages of developing a relationship he said. There’s Hooking Up, Hanging Out, Dating, Exclusively Dating and then finally Boyfriends. I guess I didn’t get that memo. As I ask my friends about it, they have their own version of these stages of developing a relationship. Mine is Seeing, Dating, Boyfriends. It’s quite simple really.

But I never did believe in hooking up as the first stage.

Seeing. This is the time that we get to know each other better. As for my pseudo lover, this might be similar to hanging out. We watch movies, have dinner, coffee or grab a drink, maybe go on trips to the beach. Just regular activities that you could actually be doing with you friends. It may be somewhat romantic and we may be doing some fooling around but nothing sexual usually happens during this stage. This would normally last a few weeks.

Dating. This is where we establish that yes, we indeed like each other. We somewhat have the idea of each other’s quirks and attitudes. We may not really agree on Mexican food and Spicy Indian Cuisine but we can decide to give it a try just to be fair. We now go on dates more romantic than the ones that we’ve been doing. Its doing most of the things that people in a relationship are doing. Now, this could be similar to Dating and Exclusively Dating combined. I believe that when I know I am dating someone, its exclusive. Don’t you think? I cant comprehend that line, I’m dating a few people. I can say, I’m seeing a few people. But when it comes to dating, this is the point that I have chosen from the people that I am seeing who I want to date. And that my friend, is always exclusive.

Boyfriends. Then finally you’ve come to the point where you both decide that you really do like each other…so much that you want to be with each other every minute of every day. Well, not exactly every single minute, but something like that. That you don’t mind his silly laughter or that he goes out of his way to step on a twig because it makes an interesting crunchy noise. Or that he makes this goofy expression before he reaches an orgasm. Maybe too much information. So now, you are in a relationship. You have a boyfriend. This is the time that you really establish the commitment, set up some ground rules and make some sort of schedule where each one of you is included in the incomprehinsibly busy lifestyle of Los Angeles.

Just some random thoughts.

Waiting Game

So its that time again. After everything has been said and done. I wait. I've gone through the interview process, from the Human Resources to the partner and boss that I will be working for. I gave it my best. Now, all i have to do is wait for their call. Wait.

Random Reinforcement

Put three groups of rats in three separate cages, each equiped with a bar. The first group of rats got a pellet every time they pressed the bar. The second group never gets a pellet, no matter how often they pressed. And the third group got pellets just once in a while.

The first group, eventually gets bored with the guaranteed reward and the rats who never get treats give up too. But the random rats will press on that bar forever, hoping each time they press that this time the MAGIC will happen, that this time they'll get lucky.

Daily Love for January 05, 2006

"Have a little faith, even if a recent romantic experience didn't leave you with a great sense of optimism. The nice thing about the wheel of fortune is that it's always turning. Your luck will change."

Lets break it down!

I was itching to write. I had all these thoughts buzzing in my head. I wanted to have a breakdown of how good this year has started for me. Of course I am being overly sarcastic. First of all, I had a shitty new year's eve. Referring to the previous blogs, which i cannot quote anymore for fear of being hurt by no other than myself. I don't have a job. I have no money. My bills are overflowing. Collection agencies are crawling everywhere. My cellphone got disconnected. Checks are bouncing. I have no love life. Happy New Year!

I felt overwhelmed by all the things that I have to worry about. But after attending my regular yoga class. I actually was able to clear my mind. I was happy that even for an hour, I was able to escape all these things. Or did I really? I hope my yoga instructor was right. Just keep on coming to the class and soon everything will just fall into the right places. I hope.

Not to sound bitter because uhmmm, I am bitter. It seems most of the people around me are getting their graces for 2006. Last night, Marco sent Jun a rose and a balloon at his work place. Tonight Jun is sleeping over Marco's place and things are looking good on their reconcillation. I passed by my friend and neighbor, Stephen's place tonight hoping to hang out with him, but surprisingly, his ex, Chris was there. Hence, they're back together. Alex went out to dinner with Jason last night. Mark has a new job. Eric and Jason are still together. Thats nice. Im happy for them. Yup, I am really.

So now, What do I do? Do i sulk in my apartment? Which coincidentally has not yet been paid for the months of December and January. Continue sending resumes to every job opening in town. And just become satisfied with chatting on gay.com every single night until 4am trying to find love (or sex, whichever comes first). Argh. I need something good to happen real soon. I need some good changes in my life. I need something...someone!

At least my carpet is clean.

Best Friend Forever - BFF!

Jun got to the Abbey a few minutes before the countdown. I was happy to see him. He's been the one person who I can say has been there for me through the most trying times of my life this 2005. Ive come to the point where I am really flat broke, debts and bills overflowing. Its amazing how i was able to go through 6 months like this. I owe a lot to Jun not just moral support but also for food, money, car, and everything else. I've felt that someone really does care for me no matter what. I feel secure that if something bad happens i can count on someone to be there for me. Its nice to have that someone special. A best friend.

Then his boyfriend broke up with him. Im glad i dont believe that that shit about whatever happens at the strike of midnight, that how your whole year will be. It was filled with drama. And I was feeling that weird thing about my ex. Whew. Couldn't everyone just be happy? Couldn't everything just go our way sometimes? Or even just a few times during the year.

Did the Magic Fade?

It was a night with friends at the Abbey. We have been celebrating New Year's Eve at this place. Im not sure why we opt to go to the Abbey every year. Its always crowded and it seems like everyone is just pretending to be happy and excited about the coming year. Oh well, it was happy. Friends were there. Of course the ex was there. Its just weird that I still felt weird about him. Its been more than 2 years that we technically broke up. Now, i still have this feeling of jealousy over him whenever he's with someone. I guess he could be right when he said that I will never accept whoever he's dating. There will always be that animosity between me and whoever he's with. Darn.

I havent really completely understood our "relationship." I cant help but think of the things that we've gone through as a couple. Its not like I want the whole world to know. Wait. Yes i want the whole world to know. Why not? I loved him with my all my heart. But yeah, i still dont understand what was it in our relationship that couldnt be explained. Up until now, some things are still blurry. All i know is that i love him.

I have decided that this will be the last time that I will be thinking of that past relationship. I still do love him. But its high time to really and truly move on. The hope will still be there but will not be entertained except when the time comes that its right in front of us. Its time to stop being hurt with words, actions and everything else that has to do with him and events not going my way.

It has been 2 and a half years that I have been single. I guess i felt that no one else came close to how I feel about him. Amidst all the fights, complains, tears, yes...no one else still comes close. But 2006 is the time to let go of everything that still remains inside of me. I have my whole life ahead of me. And I will no longer dwell on the past.