Gypsy!

The awesomeness of Patty Lupone just surged through the stage when me and my friend saw the musical Gypsy. There are no words to describe the energy that this wonderful actress just exuded all throughout the show! Its hard to imagine how she keeps it up as she does over 12 shows a week! Damn! She's awesome. The show is awesome! One of the best musicals I have ever seen on Broadway. Even though we got last minute tickets which are super close to the stage wherein we can see her saliva spitting out on those really dramatic scenes, it was still amazing. I would love to watch it again!

Sucks in the City

I am stuck at the airport for another hour, so I decided to purchase an hour of internet usage while waiting for my delayed flight to San Francisco. Looking around, I try to do a little sight seeing. When I realized that everyone around me is either straight, fat or not really my type. Most probably, they are not New Yorkers!

I was reading an article from The New Yorker or Time Out New York or some magazine that I picked up from this $18 haircut place in China Town (yeah freakin $18!!!). The article claimed that New York City has the highest quality of singles in the entire world! Yah, isn't that the main reason why I moved to NYC in the first place? Err, nope. Not really. But I just found it funny that NYC has its claim in that. Funny because I am still single. Ok, I must warn my readers or blog buddies as they call it (yeah all 7 of them!) that this is once again going to be one of my usual bitter missives. So here goes.

The article just reiterated that there is an overabundance of "high quality singles" everywhere you go. Considering there is that concept of NYC being highly interactive as compared to other cities. As soon as you leave your apartment, one would walk to the subway, ride the subway and then walk to work. In that 30-45 minute journey, you would have met your soul mate! See how easy that was?!?! But no.

I call upon my principle of "the next best thing." Yeah there could be that overabundance of high quality singles, but because of the overly high quality, one would never settle on that awesomeness of an individual sitting across you on the 1 train. Why would you? The next best thing might be in the next train that you go into during your transfer. What greatly sucks is that when I go on dates, we may be having the greatest time together, but more often than not, both of us might be thinking that the other 2 million awesome people are waiting for someone as awesome as myself! Great huh?

Also, NYC singles stay single longer as the article says. We focus more on our careers. Since we are not afraid that we would run out of awesome singles running around the city. Let's just focus on making ourselves more awesome by having an awesome apartment, awesome body and the most awesomest career!

Boom. I'm still single in the city where there are a billion other singles. So I ask, is it really a geography thing?

WTF?

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Why do I even bother?

They say that you would find the right person for you when you least expect it. That you shouldn't go looking for love because its love that will find you. That in the most unexpected time and place you would find your special someone. Uh-huh!

They also said that they found the remains of Big Foot and it turned out to be a big hoax!

So why do I even bother to believe that someday it will happen? Why do I even bother to hope that maybe this time it will be different. Why do I even bother to imagine a future of pure bliss with someone beside me?

I am not asking for too much. I know I am not asking for something impossible. I am just asking for someone special. Of course I have certain qualities that I would want to expect from my special someone like a decent job, a good personality, great conversationalist, height and weight proportionate, clean fingernails and someone presentable. Quite simple right? I would think that those are the very basic of all the basic "requirements" that most of us would expect?

Its pathetic that some night when I can't fall asleep, my mind wanders and I try to imagine happy thoughts like being back home in the Philippines with my parents and my brother. And then I would push my wandering mind to imagining the possibilities of me being in a relationship, of happy moments together, of things we could do together. But the pathetic sad part is that the persons is always faceless. And I would just try to put the face of this stranger that I saw on the subway so that at least I could complete my dream.

Yup, dreams. I am inclined to think that those pretend scenarios would just remain dreams. Although I've always been comfortable on being single, and I've always mentioned that I am indeed ok being single, it still holds true that life will be better and happier if there's that special someone beside me to celebrate victories, to lend a shoulder to cry on, to hold onto when I'm down in the dumps or just to hang out with.

*sigh*

Birthday Blues

In two days I will be turning 31. There. I've said it (or typed it). It wasn't so hard anymore, specially after the big 3-0. I wonder if it will be more difficult for the big 4-0. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Wow, 31 huh? It seems like it was a far fetched notion that I will be getting older and older every year. That every year my age would add another year. But I guess its one of those things that are inevitable.

I went for a job interview today. I wore my new Emporio Armani suit. As I was walking on 6th Avenue here in New York City, I felt a certain surge of responsibility and respect wearing grown up clothes. Since I am currently working for a Jeans / Fashion company, I usually come in wearing casual clothes. I can virtually wear anything I want, may it be jeans, t-shirts or even shorts. But today, since I had the interview, i wore my suit. I don't know if it was because of the birthday coming up, but I felt that I needed to grow up as I am growing old. I felt the need to make some major changes in my life as I turn another year older. I felt the need to become successful in the field that I really want to thrive in. Not to say that I haven't grown up, or that I didn't make any changes in my life since my teenage years, but I still don't feel that I have been successful on any of my endeavors -- especially my career.

It sucks to grow old. I don't like birthdays anymore. During my younger years (ugh! younger years?!?!), I've always been excited to celebrate my birthday as it would constitute food, presents and chocolate cake. As I grow older, the basic components might still be there, but there's also a need to add on achievements, accomplishments, future plans, family, etc.

I don't want to grow old. I've already grown up.

Sticky Rice

I've always been proud of being Asian, more so being Filipino. I was one of the lucky few people who ventured into America with a strong hold of my Filipino origin and nationalism. Although at some points, I have driven myself to some western idiosyncrasies. I may have been drawn into the American accent, a little bit of the American lifestyle such as food, clothing, etc. But deep inside I've always felt very Asian and very Filipino.

I am also proud to say that I am attracted to my fellow Asians. As I typed the word "proud" it felt a little bit weird to be "proud" of such a normal occurrence. Apparently, its not that normal to be an Asian man and be attracted to other Asian men. After coming out in college, I began to meet other queer Asian men, whose preferences were more towards white men. What was annoying to me was that they always had to feel apologetic towards their preferences for me. One guy, who had also dated primarily white men, said in all sincerity, “Wow, that’s so cool that your first boyfriend was Filipino. That is so… revolutionary!” I remember looking at him and wondering what planet he stepped off of, and why he felt he had to justify his preferences to me. I can see where he was going — that “Loving Asian men is a revolutionary act,” especially if you’re another Asian American man who’s been taught to believe that white men are the pinnacle of desirability.

Its sad to note that more often than not, Asian men were simply seen as gold-diggers, with small dicks who are exclusively bottoms, and most importantly, who can’t be trusted. Fuck with us and we’ll take all your shit. We couldn’t speak English fluently, nor be fluent in American culture. The issue of Asian men being submissive was such a derogatory remark for me.

As I was having a discussion with a good friend of mine regarding this topic, we vowed to never consider changing who we are just to be in a relationship. We realized that speaking for ourselves, most men who has this negative notion of the stereotypical asian, are intimidated by us. Asian men who are highly intellectual, having a successful career, independent, good looking and in some ways - Americanized.

As I try to remember the main point of this blog, which was an outlet to pour out my emotions as I look for love in this ever so complicated world, it seems like there are more and more aspects of the search that needs to be considered. Living the homosexual lifestyle is difficult in itself, add in the issue of race, religion, sexual preference, etc., then it becomes a tangled web of complications. I wonder if I would ever find true love again.

Vintage Clothes!!!

I came across Stock Vintage (143 E. 13th St., New York, NY 10003) in a magazine. They have the ultimate collection of vintage clothes, from Ringer T-Shirts, Leather Jackets to an enormous collection of quality leather boots! Not to sound like a shopping addict, which I am definitely not, I rushed to their store right after work to check it out. I was in vintage heaven. The store has great character, the decor was authentic and tastefully done and even the smell of the store blended in with the entire scheme of things.

Of course the shopping trip was not very easy. Just like all other vintage stores, there won't be a promise of the right size, fit or color. One would have to literally dig into the entire inventory to find a great buy. I think I have that skill well covered. LOL! So I looked around, tried on a dozen different things, then stumbled upon an awesome pair of authentic 1970's black leather boots. Intricate design, amazing leather, great fit, and worn out in the most fashionable way. Yep, of course I bought it.

Yey.

Oreo and Pumpkin!

Yey Birthday...But why am i not excited?

I recently met a couple and their 8 year old son. I immediately grew very fond of their son as he was very smart and very adorable. I recently sent him a Speed Racer car as I know that its his favorite movie. His mom told me that he was ecstatic upon receiving the gift. He was doing a dozen cartwheels per minute! It was a random gift and it cost me $12.00 to make the kid very happy.

As the years passed by, I realized that it gets harder and harder for me to be happy. I normally can be amused by the tiniest things and sometimes really absurd events. I am not sure if its because I am getting older and that I have experienced a lot more emotions than when I was a kid. Pain. Hurt. Sorrow. Love. Failure. Success. Or have i turned cynical and accuse the universe of conspiring with the elements to make it more difficult for me to be happy. I don't know.

I am turning 31 this September 12. According to my friends, it is my last calendar year. Next year, my age can't be found in the calendar anymore. I am officially old. Although I don't feel old. Some would say, I don't look old. I still get carded whenever I go to clubs or bars! Thanks to my parents for that (oh and a tons of moisturizing products from Kiehls!) It's hard not to think of what has happened in those 31 years of existence. Then I realize that it was mostly and generally a good 31 years of my life. I should be happy.

I will. I promise.