*sigh*

"did i dream it?"

*Sigh*

Though still in bed,
my thoughts go out to you,
my Immortal Beloved,
now and then joyfully,
then sadly,
waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us
I can live only wholly with you or not at all
Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you
until I can fly to your arms
and say that I am really at home with you,
and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits
Yes, unhappily it must be so
You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you.

No one else can ever possess my heart
never
never
Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves.

And yet my life in V is now a wretched life
Your love makes me at once the happiest
and the unhappiest of men
At my age I need a steady, quiet life
can that be so in our connection?
My angel,
I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day
therefore I must close at once
so that you may receive the letter at once
Be calm,
only by a calm consideration of our existence
can we achieve our purpose to live together
Be calm
love me
today
yesterday
what tearful longings for you
you - you - my life - my all - farewell.

Oh continue to love me
never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

uhhhmmmkk

Is it time for me to leave New York City?

"...New York is not a city to find friends. If you do find friends, consider it a generous gift. It is a city where you find yourself or if you already have, make peace with it. It is brutal and forgiving, welcoming and discriminating. It is where you swallow the bitter in your cup and move on with your personal burden."

A good friend of mine wrote that on his BLOG a while back. And I have kept that as some sort of personal mantra for my life here in New York City.

I've never really opened up the main reason why I left Los Angeles abruptly. I felt that I was slowly deteriorating in a way that I wasn't growing as a person. And my life was just a blur for the past 5 years that I lived there. I take into consideration the fact that it was my first time to travel outside the Philippines, to be away from my family and friends and to be immersed into a foreign country with a very different environment and culture. Everything was new and unexplored. And boy did I explore. Almost to the point of testing out my limits in all aspects. I also ventured into the world of theatre arts which brought me to many places but made me financially incapable of forging on with my responsibilities. I almost got evicted from my apartment. My car got repossessed by the finance company. Credit card bills were overflowing. Collection agencies were calling. It was just a big mess.

So I had to leave. I knew I needed a big change. I needed to uproot myself from all the mess that I put myself into. So I moved to New York City. I know the city would be brutal but forgiving...welcoming yet discriminating (words of wisdom from G!) and I know its the perfect place for me.

I have risen, or shall I say started to rise above my personal burdens. I feel restless again. I feel the need to go back to Los Angeles where I started. New York City is indeed the best city in the world. But I don't feel that I belong here. I have found myself and made peace with myself through the help of the city and the wise people that I met.

Is it time to move back?

My Thoughts Exactly

Match.com and Me

Cancelled. The search is over. I have canceled my month long subscription to match.com, not because I found someone and we are now living happily ever after in a nice big house with a wrap around porch, white picket fence and a big yellow labrador named Pookey. Nope. It was just over.

I got tons of messages and winks from the site, lots of invitations for dates and some indecent proposals. Mostly from 98 year old men. Again, I have nothing against them, but it just ain't my thing. On the other hand, I met some nice people there. Three to be exact. You see, I still haven't brought out the slut in me and just grabbed anyone in there who was decent enough to date. I went through the traditional route of getting to know them through emails, chat and phone conversation before going out on a date. Still no dice.

Match #1. 33 years old, Black, 5'6", Real Estate Broker. He was 20 minutes late. If it weren't for the ever sweet and patient Mikee who I called and asked what was the appropriate waiting time for a first date, he said 30 minutes. So I waited. He's nice. But I guess not my type. Ed Hardy Shirt, Skinny Jeans and Prada sneakers. The one with the big red stripe shouting P-R-A-D-A!

Match #2. 30 years old, Asian, 5'10" Ophthalmologist. Yeah, good in paper huh? But was he actually good in person. Yes! He's cute, smart, great conversationalist, funny, very well rounded individual. And we actually went on a second date. Talked on the phone, sent text messages and emails. Seems like its going well. Yeah, but a week after the second date when we had dinner, the text messages were unanswered, call went to voicemail. And the doctor was history.

Match #3. 31 years old. Asian, 5'8" Theatre Actor. Might be a good match as we share the same passion. And he is a working actor in Broadway and Off Broadway. As opposed to some of us who are just happy with the title - Actor. We met once, had a great time, continued talking for a week or so. Then I got an email stating that the other guy that he met on match.com and him are getting serious. OK.

Yey for Francis. There. I gave it a chance. Ms. Maya Angelou, should I trust in love again?

Three Cheers for the ENEMA!

In this Wednesday, June 18, 2008 hand out photo, nurses are seen, posing near a monument to enemas at Mashuk Akva-Term Sanatorium in the town of Zheleznovodsk, Russian Caucasus Mountains region. Alexander Kharchenko, director of the Russian spa says the world's first monument to enema treatments has been unveiled at the spa in the southern city of Zheleznovodsk. The bronze syringe bulb, weighs 800 pounds and is held by three angels.

Fruit Anyone?

Makes Me Proud to be Filipino!

Muhammad Al-Maghrabi became handicapped and shut down his flower and gifts shop business in Jeddah after his Filipino workers insisted on leaving and returning home. He says: “When they left, I felt as if I had lost my arms. I was so sad that I lost my appetite.”

Al-Maghrabi then flew to Manila to look for two other Filipino workers to replace the ones who had left. Previously, he had tried workers of different nationalities but they did not impress him. “There is no comparison between Filipinos and others,” he says. Whenever I see Filipinos working in the Kingdom, I wonder what our life would be without them.

Saudi Arabia has the largest number of Filipino workers — 1,019,577 — outside the Philippines. In 2006 alone, the Kingdom recruited more than 223,000 workers from the Philippines and their numbers are still increasing. Filipinos not only play an important and effective role in the Kingdom, they also perform different jobs in countries across the world, including working as sailors. They are known for their professionalism and the quality of their work.

Nobody here can think of a life without Filipinos, who make up around 20 percent of the world’s seafarers. There are 1.2 million Filipino sailors.

So if Filipinos decided one day to stop working or go on strike for any reason, who would transport oil, food and heavy equipment across the world? We can only imagine the disaster that would happen.

What makes Filipinos unique is their ability to speak very good English and the technical training they receive in the early stages of their education. There are several specialized training institutes in the Philippines, including those specializing in engineering and road maintenance. This training background makes them highly competent in these vital areas.

When speaking about the Philippines, we should not forget Filipino nurses. They are some 23 percent of the world’s total number of nurses. The Philippines is home to over 190 accredited nursing colleges and institutes, from which some 9,000 nurses graduate each year. Many of them work abroad in countries such as the US, the UK, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, Kuwait and Singapore.

Cathy Ann, a 35-year-old Filipino nurse who has been working in the Kingdom for the last five years and before that in Singapore, said she does not feel homesick abroad because “I am surrounded by my compatriots everywhere.” Ann thinks that early training allows Filipinos to excel in nursing and other vocations. She started learning this profession at the age of four as her aunt, a nurse, used to take her to hospital and ask her to watch the work. “She used to kiss me whenever I learned a new thing. At the age of 11, I could do a lot. I began doing things like measuring my grandfather’s blood pressure and giving my mother her insulin injections,” she said.

This type of early education system is lacking in the Kingdom. Many of our children reach the university stage without learning anything except boredom.
The Philippines, which you can barely see on the map, is a very effective country thanks to its people. It has the ability to influence the entire world economy.
We should pay respect to Filipino workers, not only by employing them but also by learning from their valuable experiences.

We should learn and educate our children on how to operate and maintain ships and oil tankers, as well as planning and nursing and how to achieve perfection in our work. This is a must so that we do not become like Muhammad Al-Maghrabi who lost his interest and appetite when Filipino workers left his flower shop.
We have to remember that we are very much dependent on the Filipinos around us. We could die a slow death if they chose to leave us.

O-R-E-O!

Presenting the new love of my life. Oreo is a 4 month old shih tzu puppy that I adopted from a puppy mill that was shut down in Brooklyn, New York. It was one of those Saturday afternoons when I decided to trek to Brooklyn and finally get a puppy.

You see I am really a dog person. Don't get me wrong, I love my cat, Pumpkin. As much as I love Oreo. They're like my children. I couldn't love one more than the other. But Pumpkin is just so bitchy that I really couldn't get that certain kind of unconditional love with a dog. But I love Pumpkin's bitchiness. That's her best trait and I believe I trained her well!

So it has been almost a month of crazy training, sleepless nights, early morning pee pee sessions and a gazillion percent of pure puppy love! That is why when I brought her to my friend, Jasmine who is going to pet sit Oreo for the weekend while I am in Los Angeles, I was surprised on how hard it was to leave her. I was sobbing like crazy in the middle of Port Authority (bus station in NY) while everyone was giving me the crazy stare. Then when I got home, there wasn't anyone to greet me. I guess it was reminiscent of the day when I left Will (my first dog) with my friend.

I miss Oreo. I miss Pumpkin. I miss Will!

Are You Herrny?

Do I exude some sort of perverted vibe that just shouts out you can talk to me in a very dirty way?

So I was on my way to JFK Airport this afternoon for my trip to Los Angeles. After trying out private car service to the airport, I never could go back to taking a cab or riding on the the super shuttle where you share it with 800 people and spend 6 days in the shuttle waiting for the 789th person to be dropped off before you get home. My driver was this overweight, 103 years old, Moroccan guy (how do i know? he offered this information plus a million other things within the duration of our 45 minute trip). Here is a snippet of our juicy conversation:

Driver: You visiting your gerlfreynd?

Me: No.

Driver: You don't have gerlfreynd?

Me: No.

Driver: You don't like gerls?

Me: I like them.

Driver: Do you like boys?

Me: Huh?

Driver: You like boys?

Me: Uh. Yeh, I like them too.

*awkward silence*

Driver: You gonna have sex in Los Angeles?

Me: What?!

Driver: Its beauty of life. Have Fun. Party. Get Drunk. Have sex. When I get drunk I feel HERRNY. Must have sex. Do you feel like that also?

Me: No.

Driver: Why not?

Me: I dunno.

Driver: You should have sex.

Me: Uh. Ok. I'm going to take a nap.


Yup. I am not kidding. Damn. This happened to me also a couple of months ago with a NYC cab driver. I mean, what is it about me that spells "SEX!" No wait, don't answer that!