Where's the Magic Now?

Or so i thought it was magic. Boy was i wrong. It was a nice thought though. That it could happen again. That I could be happy again. That I would be able to find someone special to share my life with. It was nice. But things didnt really work out. After several weeks of being hopeful that there's this one person who likes me and I was starting to like, he suddently bails on me. All of a sudden, he started pushing himself away from me. It was weird. And it wasn't a nice feeling. Bitterness and pain was coming back all over again.

Now, for some odd reason, I miss him. Its as if I was drawn into this bermuda triangle of emotions. For those short weeks that we started to get to know each other, I told myself it was time to let someone in again. I was willing to start again and to go through the entire process of getting to know someone and possibly loving someone. I miss the was he cuddles. The way he smiles. The way he twiches his eyebrows. The way he talks. The way he touches me.

Its crazy. Or was I in love with the thought of falling in love again. The thing with this so called love is, we dont have this love manual. We dont have any detailed rules on how to go about falling in love. What we should do and we shouldn't do. There should also be this love thermometer to figure out if we are really in love with this person or just that thing we call infatuation. I guess we'll never know.

Its been more than a week now since he told me he wasn't ready. I still think about him. What hurts is I dont know if he thinks about me. If he really did like me. If he really thought I might be the one. If all those time that we spent together was real. Did he lead me on. Did he do it on purpose. Was it an ego thing? Did he find anything wrong with me that made him decide to stop everything and forget about me. Was I that bad?

I dont know.