Sticky Rice

I've always been proud of being Asian, more so being Filipino. I was one of the lucky few people who ventured into America with a strong hold of my Filipino origin and nationalism. Although at some points, I have driven myself to some western idiosyncrasies. I may have been drawn into the American accent, a little bit of the American lifestyle such as food, clothing, etc. But deep inside I've always felt very Asian and very Filipino.

I am also proud to say that I am attracted to my fellow Asians. As I typed the word "proud" it felt a little bit weird to be "proud" of such a normal occurrence. Apparently, its not that normal to be an Asian man and be attracted to other Asian men. After coming out in college, I began to meet other queer Asian men, whose preferences were more towards white men. What was annoying to me was that they always had to feel apologetic towards their preferences for me. One guy, who had also dated primarily white men, said in all sincerity, “Wow, that’s so cool that your first boyfriend was Filipino. That is so… revolutionary!” I remember looking at him and wondering what planet he stepped off of, and why he felt he had to justify his preferences to me. I can see where he was going — that “Loving Asian men is a revolutionary act,” especially if you’re another Asian American man who’s been taught to believe that white men are the pinnacle of desirability.

Its sad to note that more often than not, Asian men were simply seen as gold-diggers, with small dicks who are exclusively bottoms, and most importantly, who can’t be trusted. Fuck with us and we’ll take all your shit. We couldn’t speak English fluently, nor be fluent in American culture. The issue of Asian men being submissive was such a derogatory remark for me.

As I was having a discussion with a good friend of mine regarding this topic, we vowed to never consider changing who we are just to be in a relationship. We realized that speaking for ourselves, most men who has this negative notion of the stereotypical asian, are intimidated by us. Asian men who are highly intellectual, having a successful career, independent, good looking and in some ways - Americanized.

As I try to remember the main point of this blog, which was an outlet to pour out my emotions as I look for love in this ever so complicated world, it seems like there are more and more aspects of the search that needs to be considered. Living the homosexual lifestyle is difficult in itself, add in the issue of race, religion, sexual preference, etc., then it becomes a tangled web of complications. I wonder if I would ever find true love again.