Birthday Blues

In two days I will be turning 31. There. I've said it (or typed it). It wasn't so hard anymore, specially after the big 3-0. I wonder if it will be more difficult for the big 4-0. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Wow, 31 huh? It seems like it was a far fetched notion that I will be getting older and older every year. That every year my age would add another year. But I guess its one of those things that are inevitable.

I went for a job interview today. I wore my new Emporio Armani suit. As I was walking on 6th Avenue here in New York City, I felt a certain surge of responsibility and respect wearing grown up clothes. Since I am currently working for a Jeans / Fashion company, I usually come in wearing casual clothes. I can virtually wear anything I want, may it be jeans, t-shirts or even shorts. But today, since I had the interview, i wore my suit. I don't know if it was because of the birthday coming up, but I felt that I needed to grow up as I am growing old. I felt the need to make some major changes in my life as I turn another year older. I felt the need to become successful in the field that I really want to thrive in. Not to say that I haven't grown up, or that I didn't make any changes in my life since my teenage years, but I still don't feel that I have been successful on any of my endeavors -- especially my career.

It sucks to grow old. I don't like birthdays anymore. During my younger years (ugh! younger years?!?!), I've always been excited to celebrate my birthday as it would constitute food, presents and chocolate cake. As I grow older, the basic components might still be there, but there's also a need to add on achievements, accomplishments, future plans, family, etc.

I don't want to grow old. I've already grown up.