Enough.

Yesterday was a mess. To borrow lines from Project Runways 2008 Winner, Christian Siriano, it was a "hot tranny mess!"

Woke up late. Wasn't feeling well. Had to bring my friend from Boston to LAX. Traffic was bad (as usual). Work was overwhelming from start to finish. Had a late night meeting until 9pm. When I got home, the house was also a mess. There were unwashed dishes in the sink. Empty bottles and plastic containers were all over the place. Trash was overflowing and is started to stink. At the same time, I had to clean my room. Do 3 full loads of laundry and work on my event on Saturday.

SO, i started to tackle them one at a time. Put in my first load of laundry, which are my sheets and pillow cases, followed by whites then coloreds. Tidied up a bit in the house. Then arranged the recycling. And then washed the dishes. As everything was going well, i dropped a bowl in one of the plates and broke it. To further mess up things, I cut myself right between the thumb and the pointer finger (ouch). And then people started dropping out from my event which is two days from today. Yey!

So after I finished clearing the clutter in the living room, putting the dishes in the dishwasher, folding my clothes, cleaning my room, throwing the trash, walking and feeding my dog, putting away the recycling, i showered, watched porn and jerked off.

And everything was fine.

It is one of those nights...

Some nights one can't really help but think that it would surely be a whole lot better if there is someone special to talk to and for that someone to tell you, to promise you that its ok and everything will be better in the morning. this is one of those nights.

im not sure what triggered this feeling. but it has been happening more often now. i guess this is what everyone was saying. you'd know when you are ready. when you really want it to happen. when it is the right time. of course this is just a self analysis. a theory, a hypothesis. it could just be the bucket of popcorn i munched on at the movies tonight. or the extra large diet coke that i slurped on the entire night, or as what a wise friend who was sitting next to me tonight said, its diabetes in a bottle. well, whatever it is, i know it has been so long that i have been analyzing and re-assessing every single feeling and thought.

it might be a heartache world out there. and i have always voiced out my resentments, bitterness and jaded point of view. deep inside, there always that hope that it could, it would happen again.

Words of Wisdom from John Mayer

I RARELY post celebrity news, but i just had to post this:


"Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie," he said. "I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left – just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow, saying, 'You greedy mother-cker, I've got nothing for you.'"

The Other People of Color

Asians are considered racial minorities, but there is very little effort to include their people, customs, and or specific issues within the context of LGBT organizations. They are overshadowed by other races and rarely taken into account.

In a survey taken among LGBTQ Asians it was discovered that...

"Nearly every respondent (98 percent) had experienced at least one form of discrimination and/or harassment in their lives.

Nearly all respondents (89 percent) agreed that homophobia and/or transphobia are problems within the broader API community.

78 percent of respondents agreed that API LGBT people experience racism within the predominantly white LGBT community.

Only 50 percent of respondents said that English was their native language. Yet nearly all LGBT informational and advocacy materials are produced in English." (Asian Nation).

Queer Asians are typically caught in a crossroads facing lack of acceptance from the broader heterosexual Asian community, while also struggling for understanding and acknowledgment from within the white dominated queer community.

Westernized Stereotypical Thinking of Asian Sexuality:

Many people perceive Asian women to be soft, delicate, thin, and submissive in nature. They are thought to be sex-objects for the lust of others. To the contrary many Asian men are thought to be devoid of any sexuality, they often go unaccounted for under the false stereotype that Asian men have a smaller penis size. Asian men are either discounted or considered "exotic" and are also objectified. These stereotypes about Asian sex and sexuality play into both the straight and gay communities and are wrong and serve as a misrepresentation of the wide spectrum of people who are Asian.

Offensive Terminology:

Rice Queen - A term for older white gay men attracted to Asians, assumed to be desperate and fetishizing Asians.

Potato Queen - Gay Asian men who date older rich white males.

Sticky Rice - Two Asians who are a couple, they are stereotyped as being obsessed with all things Asian and only sticking with one another.

Panda Hugger - A gay male who prefers Asian men.

The Asian Asexual Dilemna:

Eastern cultures tend to be very quiet about sexuality in general which creates a problem for all sexual minorities. In particular within Asian families is a strong sense of family structure and desire to carry on the legacy of the family. An Asian who is asexual likely faces more challenges if they choose either not to reproduce or to settle down with a partner altogether. There is even a joking yet offensive facebook group called Asians Against Asexuality.

The Transgender/Intersex Asian Experience:

The Eastern world has a long history of embracing transgender behavior as well as people who have ambigious genitalia, and many cultures regard trans people and intersex people as "third gendered" and they hold their place in society. In recent decades with Western ideology influencing Asian nations, there has been increased discrimination and misunderstanding directed towards trans people. Places like Thailand are considered the transsexual haven of the world, but even there recently a battle was waged to overturn a blood ban on queer men.

While it is quite possible that transgender and intersex identity is more prevalent within the Asian world, this group goes unaccounted for and has very little research and/or resources available as they pertain to trans Asians.

Quotable Quotes

The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself.”

– Lao Tzu

GLBTQIA - Seriously?

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, Questioning, Inter sexed and Ally!

I LEGO NY!

I'm Back

It's been a looong ass time since I last posted something on my blog. Yet, its quite funny (is it really?) that the stories and posts haven't changed much at all. Didn't change actually. Not a single bit.

What do I mean? If you've been following my blog, then I would think you'd know what I mean. Of course I wouldn't think there are a lot of you out there who just continuously check on my blog every 4 minutes just to check for any new posts, so I would elaborate.

I moved to Los Angeles, California about a month ago. I say, I needed to conquer LA and redeem myself. I also say that there are some unfinished business that I have to take care of. True. But its also this untameable restlessness that I have. Seems like I am still trying to find my place in this universe. Searching for what I want. Looking for that certain something that would finally let me settle down.

And then there's that issue on Love. Ha! I should never call it by that name. As I type the letters L-O-V-E i give it meaning, I give it truth and I make it seem like its something real. And even though I have been jaded and bitter these past years, I still continue to hope that it could happen, that I, too can experience it all over again.

Should at this point, this posting would seem all too depressing, I urge you to stop reading coz believe me you, it would get worse.

So Person #1. I thought (why do i usually start my sentences with these words?) I finally met a great match. Same age as me, cute, takes care of his body, decent job, sweet as hell, very caring and an all around good guy. The way we met was something short of a hollywood movie. We met on new year's eve and we shared a sweet kiss at the strike of midnight - 2009. Great way to start the year! But we weren't really connecting. Its hard to explain but the chemistry really wasn't there. I gave it a chance but I really don't think it would work.

Person #2. My roomie's friend stayed over at our apartment for a weekend. He's cute. But I really didn't pay attention coz I was still trying to get this other person out of my system. Then I was informed that my roomie had to go to dinner and that I would be his designated chauffeur for the night. And we started talking. Great conversation always gets my rocks off. I was lured into his being. And knowing that he'll be here for just a few days, the entire experience just took off in some sort of fast and furious episode. But yeah, he doesn't live in the city. And yeah he's leaving for another country for med school (yeah, med school sister!). So, yeah that wouldn't work.

Person #3. Let's try to do this in one run-on sentence. Guy from New York who I totally fell in love with called me (happiness) but he has a long term boyfriend (sad) broke up with his boyfriend of 7 years (hopeful) and then informed me that he met someone already that he is head over heels in love with now (devastated) and then has me to thank because he met him through a friend of mine who brought the guy to my send off party (what?!). Yeah. Enough said. Oh wait, just one question. Why not me? Oh wait, another question. When will it be my turn?

Person #4. There's this guy that I was corresponding with on match.com for a while now. Seems like we've been getting along real well. He's cute, nice profile, nice pictures, great job (cardiologist) and based from our conversations, has an awesome personality. After several email exchanges, I decided to ask him if he wants to meet up. With hands trembling, I was still hopeful. After everything that happened, and I mean everything from the past 5 years, why would this one be any different? Still I sent him the email. Would you like to guess what his response is? He got a job in Kansas.

Yey! So nope, there is no hope. Imma gonna die single.

Playboy Quote

"Everything I learned about love, I learned from the movies. The reality is because I was not shown affection, I escaped into an alternate universe, and it came right out of the movies. Love for me is defined almost exclusively in terms of romantic love as defined by the films of my childhood."

- Playboy honcho Hugh Hefner tells the L.A. Times

Holiday Sale!

Dolphins Rock!

Dolphin
Genera and species: Tursiops truncatus
Collective Term: A school of dolphins

Description
Dolphins are those tanned, fit, and beautiful people who populate the background scenes of Baywatch. While they can give the impression that they're not the brightest lights in the harbor, their sun- bleached hair belies a fierce intelligence. This misperception stems from the fact that they've chosen a life of hedonism rather than succumbing to the rat race of their land-bound cousins.

Dolphins are annoyingly healthy; eating and drinking with abandon and never becoming overweight. Undoubtedly it's their active lifestyles that keep them so trim, but their good genes have something to do with it too; for even though dolphins subsist n junk food, their hair is shiny and their skin always glossy.

Generally, dolphins are peaceful and gregarious individuals, almost never displaying open aggression. When accosted, they'll swim away rather than engage in negative behavior and are always on the lookout for friends to join them in recreation. They love to host elaborate parties or social events and take their fun seriously.

Dolphin were not designed for manual labor. Their bodies lack the skillful hands of the land mammal personalities, but their intelligence and social abilities give them advantages in people-oriented careers.

Dolphins are a decidedly lusty lot and never consider the consequences of their behavior before plunging into relationships. Their high level of self-esteem gives them confidence that things will turn out well -- and they usually do . . . for the dolphin that is. For it's usually the dolphin that brings a relationship to its end, for the same reason every time: there's simply too many fish in the sea. No hard feelings of course, it's just time to move on to sample more of life's delicious bouquet.
Saying no to a sexual invitation would simply never occur to a dolphin. It's not that they're indiscriminate or anything, but they have a deep respect for chutzpah and wouldn't want to snub anyone with the gumption to put him or herself on the line.

Love Freakin Love

According to relationship experts at Heriot Watt University in Edinburgh, romantic comedies give people unrealistic ideas about love and sex, and cause them to "fail to communicate with their partner." Here's more:

- Psychologists at the family and personal relationships laboratory at the university studied 40 top box office hits between 1995 and 2005, and identified common themes which they believed were unrealistic.

- The university's Dr Bjarne Holmes said: "Marriage counselors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it. We now have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people's minds. The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realize."

Do you think this is true? Is real-life romance a big ol' letdown? Sure, lots of people like the idea of a perfect man or "happily ever after," but does that mean we're all unable to separate fantasy from reality?

Also, have you ever had an experience that could have been right out of a romantic movie?

I rest my case.

Goodbye Pumpkin...

Dear Friends,

Last night my cat, Pumpkin died. She flew with my very good friend and a fellow cat lover to Los Angeles last week and she was adjusting to life in sunny California very well. But last night, an unfortunate accident happened. She got stuck under a lazy boy and got strangled. She was rushed to the emergency room by my friend, the doctor administered CPR but it was too late. They found no signs of broken bones or even blood. So I am hoping that she didn't suffer too long.

She will be cremated today and her ashes will be with me by the time I get to Los Angeles. I am deeply saddened that I won't be able to see her anymore. She went through a lot when I rescued her 2 years ago. But I would like to believe that I gave her a happy home. She was surrounded by my friends who truly adored her as well. She is an awesome cat, with a very unique personality. Her trademark purring sound will surely be missed.

Goodbye Pumpkin. I am sure she is now in cat heaven where she can jump to high places and do all the bird watching that she wants!

A Message from the Universe

What can you now do,
that you'd like to do,
that you aren't doing?

Yes to Chicken Rights!

Yesterday:

-Colorado defeated a measure to define life as beginning at fertilization

-South Dakota struck down a nearly comprehensive abortion ban

-Missouri approved a clean energy measure

-Washington approved physician-assisted suicide

-Michigan not only legalized medical marijuana, but loosened restrictions on stem-cell research

...and...

-California approved a gay marriage ban?


But hey, at least y'all voted to ban chickens from being kept in cramped cages.

So let me get this straight...chicken rights? Yes. GLBT rights? No?

I am an unwavering supporter of animal rights, but come on, this is ridiculous and unacceptable. I'm at a loss to see how the same electorate could approve both of these measures on the same ballot.

I am not familiar with the detailed politics of the Prop 8 struggle, but I want to learn what happened here because this has to be undone. Prop 8 is a black mark on my experience of this election. As much as I am elated today, I am equally saddened by the news coming from California.