Boyfriend.

I never thought that word can be so powerful. I was going through all my posts on my blog and it was really a helluva ride to find this elusive magic that everyone in the fairy tale world is talking about. I won't go into detail on what I've been through, what I felt, who I met, what I did, where I went or why I did all the things that I've done just to find magic again. Because that's all in the past.

I have found the magic again.

"it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic." - sleepless in seattle (1993)

There's no other way to describe it. No words can describe how I knew. I am sure that everyone who has fallen in love would know what I mean. You just know that it fits. It feels right. And it's perfect. Those tiny little things that he does that can explode into a full blown emotion that just fills up your day. Heartaches are now an entirely different story. You'd feel tiny bouts of pain because you miss him, because he smiled, because he said something, wrote something or did something that means the world to you.

Boyfriend. I have forgotten how it feels to have someone call me this word. I have forgotten how everything goes when there's someone that you'd call a boyfriend. Forgive me for using this cliche, but just like riding a bike, it all came back. After living a life of jaded bitterness, I have built a fortress that would block anything and everyone that could crush my heart. Surprisingly, it easily melted when you find the "one."

"This is Francis, my boyfriend."

In as much as I want to fill this entire blog with a description on how happy I feel right now (and i know i could!), I would just end it with saying. I have found magic again. And I am now a non-single person. I love you RJ.

Magic & Meg Ryan

"it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic." - sleepless in seattle (1993)

it's real. it's out there. i still believe in it. i know it still exists. i've experienced the magic once and for a very long time, i've searched and waited. amidst the jaded and bitter years, i know in my heart that it will happen again.

im cheesy.

this morning i had brunch with my best friend Jun. we've been caught in this vicious cycle called life, that we haven't really been seeing much of each other lately. but we vowed to change that. thus we had brunch.

it doesn't hurt to believe and it isn't bad to hope. jun has always been on my case whenever i tell him that it would never work out. i am destined to be single. maybe i'm not built to be in a relationship. maybe i am the exception to the rule. as we were revisiting those dark years, we stumble upon what has been happening to me the past weeks. hoping upon hope that i could once again be happy.

and then, out of all the brunch places in Los Angeles, out of all the possible celebrity sightings, out of all the things that could possibly happen, Meg Ryan sat next to me at the restaurant.

Really Francis? Really?

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."

- Erica Jong
American Author

Beautifully Imperfect

I wish. I hope. I want!

An elderly couple walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic for a checkup and spotted a piano. They've been married for 62 years and he'll be 90 this year. Check out this impromptu performance. We are only as old as we feel, it's all attitude. Enjoy! They certainly did!

Uso pa ba ang ligawan? (Is courtship still being practiced?)

When I was trying to research a clear cut definition of “ligawan,” which is the Tagalog word for traditional Filipino courtship, I came across a completely different word which was “lugawan,” a fast food place that serves “lugaw,” or rice porridge. I don’t know how this is related to my topic but I just find it funny. And all of a sudden I became hungry.

The research wasn’t that easy. I had to really dig deep to get a formal definition of “ligawan.” I don’t know if this sends me a sign that the traditional Filipino courtship isn’t happening anymore especially if you are a Filipino who hasn’t been living in the Philippines for quite a while. Or is the art of courtship really dead in this fast paced, internet generation?

What really encompasses the “ligawan?” According to Wikipedia, courtship is and I quote "the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship, a couple dates to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. Usually courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval."

Hmmkk. Wikipedia is an awesome tool. Mental note, I need to make myself “Wikipedia-able!” Maybe then, someone can actually be interested in me and court me. HA! So based on the definition, isn’t courtship a vital stage in establishing a real honest to goodness relationship? I mean, how else can two people get to know each other and really know if they would like to pursue a relationship without going through a dating period?

So I think, it isn’t a question of whether “ligawan” is still in vogue or not, but the manner in which the courtship is done. For some, it’s the time to put their best foot forward. Time to impress. Time to be fake? Of course not, but then again you do have to try to impress, but not to the extent of coming up with a totally fabricated YOU. You just try to emphasize your best qualities first. Then ease the other person to the flaws that you might have (good thing I don’t have flaws! LOL!)

I know some people who skipped the entire process and still ended up being together. But after some time decided that they didn’t really know each other that well and that they didn’t have much in common aside from wild, hot, passionate, mind blowing (you get the picture) sex. Which I think is also important. But after everything else (and I mean orgasm) what else is there to do if you don’t have anything to talk about. Believe me, for some people I know, this could be the most ideal relationship! But not for me.

Amidst the bitter and jaded postings, putting aside the hard shell and ever growing wall that I put into my façade, I still truly believe in… (dear god, I can’t even type it without feeling icky) I still believe in…(ok, I can do this), yes, I still truly and honestly believe in love (whew, and I didn’t even vomit a little bit in my mouth this time!). And with this out in the open, I want to go through the “ligawan” process.

You know that feeling when you absolutely want to call or text but you stop yourself, when you are just dying to see the other person again but you hesitate in asking, when you experience a million butterflies in your stomach every time you see the other person, but you have to play it cool, all these things happen during the “ligawan” process. I know that the end result, if everything works out well, is for the two of you to be together. And wow, that is truly the best feeling ever! But one can’t compare to the feeling that you can experience in the firsts of the pre-relationship phase. First date, first kiss, first movie, first everything! And these firsts will never happen again. There will only be one first date, one first kiss. And that is why I think “ligawan” is so important to making a relationship really valuable to both parties. Thereby helping strengthen the relationship and making it last.

Yeah, fine. You can laugh at me now. Psh.

Hope sucks...

but not all the time. sometimes you have to give it a chance. that maybe hope can be a good thing. that maybe it's good to hope. maybe.

Love Freakin Love

According to relationship experts at Heriot Watt University in Edinburgh, romantic comedies give people unrealistic ideas about love and sex, and cause them to "fail to communicate with their partner." Here's more:

- Psychologists at the family and personal relationships laboratory at the university studied 40 top box office hits between 1995 and 2005, and identified common themes which they believed were unrealistic.

- The university's Dr Bjarne Holmes said: "Marriage counselors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it. We now have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people's minds. The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realize."

Do you think this is true? Is real-life romance a big ol' letdown? Sure, lots of people like the idea of a perfect man or "happily ever after," but does that mean we're all unable to separate fantasy from reality?

Also, have you ever had an experience that could have been right out of a romantic movie?

I rest my case.

Again...

You were the happiness I can never have.
What do I need to give to have you in my life?
I guess it's something I can't even afford.
Happiness really has its price.

You're all that I wanted.
You're someone I can't even have.

I guess all that I can hold onto right now is myself.
Because I can't fall for you. Again.
I dont' want to.
If there's one thing I would deny right now, it would be my feelings for you.
Because I can never have you.
Even before, I never did.

Thank you.
For the happiness that you made me feel when I'm with you. For giving me the chance to embrace you when I feel lonely. For the smiles that you bring when I get to hear your voice.

I just don't want to lose you.
I'm just here for you.

It's long been overdue.
I have to go.

I don't want to fall. Again.

Aristeromani

Maya Angelou Turns 80!

In celebration of Maya Angelou's 80th Birthday, I am reposting a favorite quote from her. Happy Birthday!

"Have the courage to trust love
one more time,
always, one more time."

I'd make a great Boyfriend!

Fuck yeah! Like a gazillion percent true! Fact of the matter is, I'd make an AWESOME boyfriend! Let me enumerate some (just some) reasons why I would fuckin make an awesome boyfriend. First lets cover the basics. I'm good looking. There I said it. I take care of myself. I work out 4-5 times a week. I watch what I eat. I make sure I eat organic healthy food. I go to the dermatologist regularly to take care of my skin. Next, I am very fashionable. I keep up with the trends. I shop regularly for new clothes. Thats why you'd never be ashamed of being with me when you are out. Next, I have a decent job that pays good money. That just means, I can take care of my own tab when we go out. You don't have to worry about taking me to some fancy place coz I'd be able to afford it. Also, I have good social etiquette as well. In terms of intellect and conversation skills, damn I'm great! We could talk about politics, religion, worldwide current affairs or I could also name all of Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie's children (Maddox, Pax, Zahara and Shiloh with twins coming!). In terms of attitude in a relationship, I take care of my partner. I know how to cook, bake, clean. In terms of personal traits, I bet I can fill up a pad with good traits you are looking for in a boyfriend (well, ill cross out "humble" in that list now...)

Yet, I'm still single.

What is This I'm Feeling...

I just can't explain.

LOL!

Baduy.

Anyways, seriously now. The past few months has been tough on me. As all my friends know, whenever I deal with matters of the heart, it just stirs up my entire system. I could be hyper and positive one moment and then totally depressed the next day. Hence, I've tried baking and cooking. Jun sent me his recipe for his Vegan Chocolate Cake and I also tried the sinfully delicious Peaches and Cream Pie recipe from Mikee's aunt! So it has been a couple of months now. I've tried to tell myself over and over again, that i should really stop feeling this way. I've even written post-it notes all over my office and my room that states "enough!" just to remind me that its never going to lead to anything. I guess I should change the color of my post-it notes now coz it doesn't do me any good now.

Ugh.

Para Sa Iyo (For You...)

I just had to repost this...

*tear

So Close...

"So Close"
Jon McLaughlin @ the 80th Academy Awards



How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close...
So close...
And still so far...

Happy F*ckin' Valentines Day!

valentine's day:
1) holiday maliciously created to make lonely people extremely depressed.
2) a corporate conspiracy conceived by candy makers, rose growers, lingerie stores, and jewellers to get people to spend money on junk.

SOURCE:
urbandictionary.com
Define Your World.

Ahem...

i had a good life before you...
it was empty actually,
but at least i was blissfully unaware of how miserable i was.
whereas now,
because of you,
i am acutely aware of how completely and totally unhappy i am.
thank you for that.

- from Failure to Launch

I just had to post this...

Plus One

I've always been independent. No wait, not entirely true. Most of the time, I am very independent. I've learned to fend for myself and survive on my own for the most part of my adult life. Considering that in my early 20's I decided to move to the United States and try my life here. Ever since then, I've been on the road to a life of challenges, trials, disappointments and of course great successes as well.

Of course I am going to write about love. The first paragraph was just an attempt at a semi-intellectual blog posting.

The past few weeks I have been wondering what it would feel like to have a "plus one." You know, when you get invited to events and you RSVP and add a "plus one." In most cases it hasn't been a big deal for me to go alone, or in most cases bring a friend. But this time its different. I tend to think about having a significant "plus one" in my life.

Is this the effect of the wide spread commercialization of the holiday season where everything else would be extra special if you would be celebrating the joyous events with someone special? Is it because I just recently turned 30 years old, and in more way than one, I might be getting old, and would want someone to share my life with? Is it because most of the people around me are adding their "plus one's" in their lives as well?

I don't know.

Magic...

Call me cheezy or overly sentimental, i dont care... i still get really emotional everytime i watch this clip...