Is it time for me to leave New York City?

"...New York is not a city to find friends. If you do find friends, consider it a generous gift. It is a city where you find yourself or if you already have, make peace with it. It is brutal and forgiving, welcoming and discriminating. It is where you swallow the bitter in your cup and move on with your personal burden."

A good friend of mine wrote that on his BLOG a while back. And I have kept that as some sort of personal mantra for my life here in New York City.

I've never really opened up the main reason why I left Los Angeles abruptly. I felt that I was slowly deteriorating in a way that I wasn't growing as a person. And my life was just a blur for the past 5 years that I lived there. I take into consideration the fact that it was my first time to travel outside the Philippines, to be away from my family and friends and to be immersed into a foreign country with a very different environment and culture. Everything was new and unexplored. And boy did I explore. Almost to the point of testing out my limits in all aspects. I also ventured into the world of theatre arts which brought me to many places but made me financially incapable of forging on with my responsibilities. I almost got evicted from my apartment. My car got repossessed by the finance company. Credit card bills were overflowing. Collection agencies were calling. It was just a big mess.

So I had to leave. I knew I needed a big change. I needed to uproot myself from all the mess that I put myself into. So I moved to New York City. I know the city would be brutal but forgiving...welcoming yet discriminating (words of wisdom from G!) and I know its the perfect place for me.

I have risen, or shall I say started to rise above my personal burdens. I feel restless again. I feel the need to go back to Los Angeles where I started. New York City is indeed the best city in the world. But I don't feel that I belong here. I have found myself and made peace with myself through the help of the city and the wise people that I met.

Is it time to move back?