William

I left Los Angeles, California last October 2006. I needed a big change in my life as I felt that I was slowly slipping and I was moments away from a major breakdown. So I packed my bags and left for New York City. One of the most painful things that I had to do was to leave William (aka Will) behind. He is the love of my life. He kept me feeling alive and he made sure that I felt loved all those years. He was the reason why I was always excited to come home everyday after work. We were inseparable. But my move to NY was such a blur, I didn't have the resources to bring him with me. I was staying with Leo in his tiny studio apartment. I also didn't have enough money to survive New York City, much more care for him. So I left him with my friend, Bill.

My best friend, Jun, picked me up to go to the airport. I've sold everything that I can sell. And i've given away the rest that I couldn't sell. I've filled 2 huge suitcases with everything that was left of my possessions. There was only one more thing left to do. Say goodbye to Will.

I know he was confused on what was happening that day. All of a sudden, there wasn't any bed to sleep in. No couch to jump on. The apartment was empty. When I picked him up and held him close to me, I had to hug him a little big tighter than before. I know it would be the last hug I would ever give him. We drove to Bill's place. Will was on my lap the entire time. And when the time came that I had to leave him with Bill, he looked at me with the most piercingly questioning eyes. I could almost hear him ask, "Where are you going?" or "Will I ever see you again?" As I ran out of Bill's apartment, I was sobbing like crazy. I know that Will was trying his best to squirm his way out of Bill's arms to run after me. And we drove off.

I got an email from Bill today. After a year and a half, it was the first time that I've heard of news about Will. He also sent me a picture of Will. Bill said that Will is happy. And Will was the best thing that ever happened to his life. I wonder if Will remembers me. I wonder if he still thinks about me. I wonder if sometimes, he still waits for me to come home.

I miss Will.